Trigger warning: This story includes mentions of suicidal ideation, PTSD and combat violence.
“Literally, I had to walk to the shower. I had all my clothes on, and I just stepped in the shower and just cried.”
Jon Jackson had a hard time adjusting to life back at home after doing six tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Seemingly harmless things, like the flash of a camera, triggered a response in him that he couldn’t control. One day, he overheard his son bragging to his friends about killing a frog. Hearing his son talk about taking a life in such a nonchalant way set him off.
“I was screaming at him,” Jon says in the episode. “I mean, he was so scared, my wife was scared. They saw a side of me that should have only been reserved for the enemies of our country.”
Over the 10 years that he served as an Army Ranger, Jon hit over 20 improvised explosive devices (IEDs). Over time, he found that he had to dissociate to be able to keep going. He learned not to hold onto friendships with the guys he was serving with, because you never knew when you’d lose them.
“When you move that fast, you move outside of what it feels like to be human, because we’re all machines at that point, right?” Jon says.
But Jon held on to one friendship: Kyle Comfort. Kyle was Jon’s biggest supporter, and they did everything together. But in 2010, Kyle was killed by an IED. Jon was the one to pull his body off the helicopter.
But Jon remained numb. Two years after Kyle’s death, Jon was given a medical discharge and went home to face a whole new battle.
“I don’t call it PTSD. It’s just survival, right? But after war, when things start settling down and the dark clouds start catching up to you, then that’s when things become a problem,” Jon says.
The dark clouds were finally catching up; he felt like a danger to his family and struggled with thoughts of suicide. He knew he had to do something.
So he bought a farm.
Jon didn’t know anything about farming. But he was willing to learn. He started raising pigs and taught himself about sustainable farming. He supplied farm-to-table restaurants with his meat and produce. He had turkeys, chickens, ducks, rabbits, fish. He grew organic tomatoes and cucumbers and cultivated heirloom seeds. In the busyness of farm life, Jon finally had found peace.
“So my theory is that the farm taps into the same problem-solving, being hypervigilant, sensory overload. That kind of chaos is where we tend to thrive the best, we think clearly,” Jon says of why he thinks farming helped his PTSD.
Jon wanted to help other vets find the same peace. So he started inviting veterans to come stay on the farm and spend time working in the fields or the barns. And he gave the farm a name: Comfort Farms, after his friend Kyle Comfort.
“We realized on Comfort Farms, you only grow in your discomfort, and so we run towards the things that are making us uncomfortable, because when we tackle those things and we overcome those things is how we grow,” Jon says.
To hear the full story, listen to “Boots On The Farm” now.
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Episode Transcript
STEPHANIE FOO: In 2013, Jon Jackson came home to Georgia for good. He had been away, on and off, for 10 years. It was a bit of an adjustment, but Jon missed his family. His son Titus was growing up, and he wanted to be there for it. One day soon after returning, he overheard Titus bragging to his friends about killing some frogs.
JON JACKSON: It was almost this bravado thing where it was like, so proud about what he's done. And I snapped, because it was like, you think taking a life is fun.
STEPHANIE FOO: Jon knew something about taking lives. He was returning home from war.
JON JACKSON: Having lived through so much of my friends who have lost their lives because, to me, we were expendable, right?
STEPHANIE FOO: This triggered Jon’s PTSD. He completely lost it.
JON JACKSON: I was screaming at him. I mean, he was so scared, my wife was scared. They saw a side of me that should have only been reserved for the enemies of our country.
STEPHANIE FOO: So how would Jon keep his family safe from this dark side of himself?
STEPHANIE FOO: This is Home. Made., an original podcast by Rocket Mortgage® about the meaning of homes and what we can learn about ourselves in them. I’m Stephanie Foo. In this episode, the soldier who found a way to manage his PTSD – by wrangling pigs.
STEPHANIE FOO: A trigger warning for this story: There are mentions of suicidal ideation, PTSD and combat violence.
STEPHANIE FOO: In 2001, Jon Jackson was 23. He had a good job at a pharmaceutical company. But then 9/11 happened. Jon had grown up looking in awe at the World Trade Center directly across the Hudson River from his home in New Jersey. And so this attack – it seemed personal.
JON JACKSON: I didn't grow up in a military family, but when the towers went down, this was a declaration of war, and that's just a natural reaction, especially from folks to say, "OK, you know what? I'm going to sacrifice myself for the greater good and take the fight back to them."
STEPHANIE FOO: So Jon joined the army, and found that he liked it. Getting pushed to his limits made him feel something that he didn’t get working in a science lab. He became an Army Ranger Staff Sergeant, among the U.S. military’s most elite soldiers. And he was active duty for 10 years. In that time he did six tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the biggest dangers to American soldiers was, of course, IEDs, bombs that terrorists buried under roads. Once, Jon was manning the machine gun in a Humvee, standing halfway out of the roof, when they hit one.
JON JACKSON: You know you're in an explosion when you see the light flash before you hear the